Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
