Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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