you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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