Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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