I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
