Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
40s are totally the cure
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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