I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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