Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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