So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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