Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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