is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
