Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
