she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
