doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
