So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
