Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
