I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
