It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
