It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize