Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
