Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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