Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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