I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
