I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
