i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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