why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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