Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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