why didn't you poke me back
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
