he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
