No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
