did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
