now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
