the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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