You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize