I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
