god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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