alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
