I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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