it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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