Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
