i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
