just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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