I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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