Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think my fart just growled at me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
