Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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