Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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