He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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