you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
