i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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