your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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