wat bout pragnant strippers??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
