I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
