some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bring me that man meat
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
