I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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