it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
