Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
