Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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