maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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