But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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