we have pet lesbian snakes
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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