im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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