Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
