I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
