Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize