Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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