You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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