addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
