DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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