She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
