Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
