I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
