I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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