My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
